i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
