Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
