I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
