"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
