So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
