What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
