Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
