he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my shit smells like andre
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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