Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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