I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
