Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
