i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
