We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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