the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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