my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
