I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
