I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
