Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
