Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
