Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
