Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
