no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
