Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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