come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
