Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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