What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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