and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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