i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
