I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
