from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
