Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
