Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize