Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize