the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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