we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
