This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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