Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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