This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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