Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
