I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
