I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
