I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
