I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
