the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
