woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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