Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
