do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
