Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
