Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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