Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
