My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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