thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
