i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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