I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it's great music for shaving your balls
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
