Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
