paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
