You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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