just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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