My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She has the best kind of daddy issues
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
