Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's never too late to be topless.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
