i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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