rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
