i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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